Open Your Eyes.. Past week regression. [30 Dec 2009|01:23pm] bigbakaboon [ mood | blah ] [ music | Sean Hayes Politics ] I had a bitchin' ear and lunch infection last week. I was pretty much grounded for a few days. I still have a bit of a cough left over but i'm more or less back to normal. I got into a tiff with laura about seeing joey, things worked out though and i must say the night he slept over it was one of the best moods i've seen him in a while. He's been acting weird towards me lately, which is understandable, but he was full of loves and kisses when i saw him. It was refreshing. Anthonys funeral was a bummer. Everyone seemed to be doing okay though which is really all that matters. I'm glad Mike's dad feels the same way we all do towards it. It's hard enough to lose a child, but it's worse to beat yourself up for it, and he's not doing it. So, good for them. They printed out the Eulogy thing i wrote and put it on Anthonys picture collage. I was embarrassed at first because i never really intended it to be a big thing, but, if people like it and find comfort from it, then cool, I'm glad someone enjoyed it. Death reminds me to put things into perspective and how it's not important at all to hold onto grudges. It reminds me of all the dumb shit i like to fight about and how insignificant it really is. I think i've been doing okay on the whole "be nice to everybody" thing i'm trying to get back too. But it's important to remain humbled. I've been suffering from a powerful loneliness lately. Some void that not even company, booze or porn can fill. It's a sad state of affairs when not even my vices can keep me at an even keel. I almost feel like i'm evaporating, becoming insubstantial, transparent, ghost-like even. I really need to do something with myself soon. My morale has been on empty for months now. I have a lot of hope for this new year. I don't think i can take another 2009 again. Bad day after bad day. Just wears me down after awhile. Edit: I guess i should mention i was feeling incredibly manic yesterday and i couldn't place why. Then my mother reminded me it was my Biological Fathers birthday, Romeo Jr. Had he lived he would have been 48. At 24 i'm still amazed at how much his death affects me. It's something i could have did without.

4 Open Eyes Open Your Eyes.. Should have been a nicer orphan. [26 Dec 2009|02:43pm] bigbakaboon Did the pirates in peter pan actually exist? Neverland pretty much existed in the imagination of the orphans that lived there. So in actuality the pirates were the representation of the parents that abandoned the orphans, whom the orphans constantly battled on a daily basis. This is why i believe Neverland is an allegory for Hell.

2 Open Eyes Open Your Eyes.. [24 Dec 2009|02:57pm] bigbakaboon Funeral Arrangements for Anthony Guerriero are Monday 4-9 and Tuesday 1-9 at Voran's Funeral Home in Allen Park. And the funeral will be Wednesday morning at 10 at St. Mary's in Melvindale.

Open Your Eyes.. Christmas eve thought [24 Dec 2009|02:57am] bigbakaboon Sometimes it's hard to look at people as humans, some are drawn to instead to see what someone stands for, and whether or not they agree or disagree. Those who choose to argue with the ego lose focus of what they were looking at in the first place. A person. Just like you and me.

3 Open Eyes Open Your Eyes.. Anthony Guerriero [23 Dec 2009|09:38pm] bigbakaboon Anthony was a lot of things to a lot of people. To most of us he was a friend, a brother, and a son. To some of us he was somebody you didn't want to lend money too. Anthony's life was anything but boring. He was incredibly fun loving and often the life of the party. Always eager to be physical, whether or not it was sports, camping, or terrorizing his brothers, even sometimes his father, he was always ready to go. Of course this was almost direct contrast to his laid back brothers, who were always eager for another game of smash brothers, or seeing what was new on adult swim. All families no matter how similar will always have their differences. It's just a product of being human. And in the end all that matters is that we love each other. I've known the Guerriero's around 15 years. To some of us who didn't have a great home life, they were like the poster family of love and family tradition. I've been lucky enough to go on camp outs, road trips, sleep overs and family holidays. I always felt genuinely cared about and accepted. Even with all of that It's hard to understand why Anthony made the decisions he made. From someone on the outside it's hard to understand that even the people you look up to have problems. Anthony did live a troubled life, and we won't be able to find out why. However it's not my place, nor anyone else, to cast judgment on the choices Anthony made. We've all been in terrible situations that have seemed hopeless, and not all of us are lucky enough to make it through those spiritual and personal dilemmas. Anthony's death is as sudden as it is tragic. For me being a parent I can understand how it might feel when you lose a child. It's something that all parents fear most in life. It is unnatural and one of the most cruel things that can happen. Parents are never supposed to bury their children. So please, sympathize with Mr. and Mrs. G. One could never understand true unconditional love until you have a child. But take that child away and one will suffer true unconditional pain. However it is here that we are to grieve, and share our love with Guerrieros in the hopes that we will be able to move forward. In these most bleak of times however we should remain vigilant for what little rays of light that will filter through. Hopefully some of us will grow closer together. Perhaps some of you will call your families and tell them you love them. Maybe some of us will be able to finally tell each other how we truly feel, without insecurities or embarrassment. If there is something to be learned it's that life does end. It will always be sudden, and tragic, and hard. You have to remember that the deceased are finally at peace. It is us here, still on earth, that you have to worry about. It's okay to feel sadness and despair, but it's also okay to feel joyous and ever flowing with love. Anthony wouldn't want you to drag your feet on life. He would want you to go forward, and to take with you memory of him. He would want us to continue on, living, loving, and learning. Anthony you will be missed you will always be remembered.

1 Open Eye Open Your Eyes.. [23 Dec 2009|07:01pm] bigbakaboon Dear mom, Quit getting shitfaced and inviting everyone at the bar to come over for christmas. We already have enough drunks in the family, we don't need extras.

2 Open Eyes Open Your Eyes.. More organs means more human. [23 Dec 2009|04:32pm] bigbakaboon I got into an argument with my mom on the way home from secretary of state about the organ donor registry. I signed up for it while i was down there and had asked her if she was part of the donor registry. She said no. I asked her why, she said "I need my organs for my own selfish needs." I asked to elaborate and she basically said she "might" need them when she goes to heaven. Aren't you supposed to be raised physically whole when you transcend into heaven? You know, you're physical impurities are to be cleansed and you are to be perfect as defined by you? Wouldn't that count for donated organs? I couldn't see god getting pissy because you donated your organs, and now you'd have to live eternally in heaven with no digestive track, heart, liver, lungs, and eyes because you gave them away. I don't understand where that mindset comes from. Configuring in the actualization that there is no afterlife, wouldn't you feel better knowing you could save some strangers life as opposed to the off chance you might need your organs in another dimension? Do you know anyone or a friend of a friend who could have benefited from an organ transplant? I think minors and organ donors should be first on the list for receiving organs. If you're willing to give you should have higher priority. That's neither here nor there though. So what i'm saying is, if you're not on the donor registry, sign up for it when you can. Next time you're at secretary of state for anything all you have to do is tell them you want to be an organ donor, they put a happy little heart sticker on your license, and you're done. Whenever i get health insurance and can get a physical again i'm going to start donating blood at least once a month.

Open Your Eyes.. Shit, only 5 years ago i was still making bad poetry. [19 Dec 2009|03:14pm] bigbakaboon [ music | Grand Buffet - Oh my god you're weird ] Dear Romeo, You're old enough now to quit hating things you don't like. Teenagers will always be dumb, and that's okay. You were a dumb teenager too and it doesn't make you any better than them now that you're older. You're also old enough to stop being snarky about religion. It exists, most people love it, it's going to be around for a very long time. Most religious people you know are actually very nice and just want things to be okay. Just because they don't feel the same way about "big man in the sky" that you do, still doesn't make you more right. Also, stop using the phrase "big man in the sky", it makes you sound like a condescending jerk. Stop trolling people. Yes you're great at it and you think it's hilarious, but come on now, quit being a dick. I know you're okay with people thinking you're a giant dickhead, but I know you'd rather be remembered at the very least for being kind. Remember to keep doing that forgiveness thing you've been working on. I know you're capable of unconditional love, but you need to stop freaking out when bad things happen. Besides, you know you get over it in a few hours anyways. Keep being honest. But try being honest only AFTER you've thought about it for awhile. It's okay to wait awhile when presented with a situation that requires you to open your mouth. Instead of going from tilt-a-whirl to level headed, just try to be as level headed as possible. You've always been blessed with humor. Even while under arrest or at a funeral you were always coherent enough to make a funny observation. But remember, while you are self proclaimed "King of the Metaphor", it's better to be humorous AND intelligent. Much more is accomplished if people can laugh and learn all at once. We all know dick jokes are funny but we also know it's empty, and you're capable of being deep and jolly at the same time. Brush you're teeth more. Eat more fruit, and do some push ups fatty. I know you're comfortable being you but you know you'd get significantly more ass if you just put the time in. And in leaving, remember this: "When life gives you lemons, you- BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" You're always going to be a nerd. And that's okay.

11 Open Eyes Open Your Eyes.. Math and shit, a few years later. [19 Dec 2009|04:50am] bigbakaboon I've always had a long standing feud with math. As a metaphor i'd say that i'm pro choice, math would be pro life, and all we would do is argue about whom is the bigger asshole. This week at dnd during the session we were number crunching (which is pretty much what you do. You bullshit and tell stories and then do math.) We were trying to figure out something or another and luke started to do the math his way (studious academic math) and i started doing the math my way (the dyslexic sentence form way). While going through the problem out loud i noticed dan was doing his math the same way i do mine. I'll try to give a brief explanation about how i do math. Let's start simply and say the problem is 46 + 48. The Academic way to do this would be to do 6 + 8 = 1()4. 4 + 4 + 1(remainder) = 9. So the answer would be 94. My way to do it would be to round to the nearest number of 10. 46 = 50(-4) and 48 = 50 (-2). So the answer would be 100 - 6 = 94. While that may look like more math, to me i get the answer faster that way than the academic way. Anyways, dan and i start talking about how awesome our system of math is, luke over hears us and tells us we use the Singapore Math Method. I haven't even heard of it. But apparently the SMM focuses on critical thinking and problem solving over using algebraic equations. I'm just bringing this up because i never knew a singapore math method existed. This video does a better job at explaining it. Well it's almost 5 am and i'm spacing out. I'll have to continue this later perhaps. Maybe talk about how i have a hard time of grasping multiplying stuff by zero.

13 Open Eyes Open Your Eyes.. [17 Dec 2009|03:53pm] bigbakaboon We should do a powerrangers cosplay group. I'll shave my head (or get a bald cap) and paint myself blue and then wear a clear plastic cylinder around my head. So yeah, dips on zordon.

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